so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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