I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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