Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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