my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
