I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
