Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
