He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
