I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
