I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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