The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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