I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
