whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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