i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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