if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How does it feel to date your dad?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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