I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
