How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
