That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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