Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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