She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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