you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Alive.
So much puke
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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