For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
