the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
