My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think people are normalizing furries
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
