I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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