So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
