He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
