well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
