then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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