sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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