we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
