looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
