Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
