giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sober January is a disaster.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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