I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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