Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
