Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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