You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
