i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
