I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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