If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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