and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
