youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
