I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
