By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
