John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
