oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Randomize
