i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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