im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
