Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
