idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
